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Republican Healthcare Speech Template
Madam Speaker, I rise in opposition to HR 3200, the so-called healthcare reform bill. It is clear that this bill will ( raise taxes / kill jobs / kill puppies ). This bill,...
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Children’s book author Ted Kennedy, dead at 77
Noted children’s book author Edward M. “Ted” Kennedy died on Tuesday night at the age of 77. Kennedy, who worked in the District of Columbia, was best known for his 2006 book My Senator...
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Obama expected to tell Congress to “stop being…pussies”
Washington, D.C.—President Obama will give a major speech to a joint session of Congress tomorrow night on healthcare in which he will likely tell the 535 assembled members to grow a pair and pass a...
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Kanye puts damper on Obama’s Nobel acceptance
Washington, D.C.—A hastily-arranged press conference at the White House in which President Obama accepted his award of the Nobel Peace Prize took an unexpected turn when rapper Kanye West...
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McDonnell wins Virginia; blogger calls on Republican to release birth...
Charlottesville, VA—Less than four hours after Republican Robert F. McDonnell won the governorship of Virginia by a wide margin over his opponent, Democratic state senator R. Creigh Deeds, he faces...
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Security lapse allows Joe Biden to crash White House meeting
Washington, D.C.—The Secret Service has apologized this afternoon for a security breach that allowed Vice President Joseph R. Biden to come into dangerously close contact with President Obama....
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China repossesses giant panda as first installment of debt payment
Washington, D.C.—The Chinese government announced on Friday that as a first step in the process of calling in the United States’s debt of approximately $800 billion, it will repossess the National...
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Supreme Leader Cuccinelli forbids homosexuality in Virginia
Richmond, Va.—Speaking from the harem of his residence to assembled members of the Virginia parliament, Ayatollah Ali Cuccinelli declared it his uncompromising order that all homosexuals be prevented...
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Obama signs healthcare bill, vows rapid implementation of death panels
Washington, D.C.—On a day of great historical significance for domestic policy, President Obama signed into law a nearly-$1 trillion overhaul of the nation’s health insurance system, while assuring the...
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GOP against escrow account, says it will hurt BP
Washington, D.C.—Taking a cue from Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX), Republicans are lining up behind the idea that BP should not be forced by the Obama administration into maintaining an account to compensate...
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